Online/App Dating: Rejection can be a positive thing

Welcome to Rejection

(c) Can Stock Photo / 72soul

Dating can be daunting — especially with online/app dating, which has become most people’s only way to make a connection.  Even if you have good self-esteem, the process of finding a partner can be devastating and make you doubt yourself.  Trying to spot and avoid inappropriate people, catfish and scammers can really take its toll.

Millennials through Baby Boomers are frustrated and want to give up looking for someone. Why?  Rejection!  No one likes to be rejected.  No one likes to reject anyone either, but everyone does it.  Why?  Here are a few reasons why:  they look creepy, their photos are old, I don’t feel any chemistry, they didn’t fill out their profile, they cannot write complete sentences, we have nothing in common, they are narcissistic, they look old, they look too good to be true, they are fat, they are too thin, they have kids, they live too far away, I’m not their type, or their lifestyle is different.  These are a few of the reasons people reject potential dates.

On the other hand, when you find someone who you think can be a good match, they might ignore you or turn you down.  It happens.  You have to believe you are entitled to find someone who wants to be with you, too.  Granted, it’s a numbers game.  The older you get, the harder it is to find someone with baggage that you both can deal with.  Baggage comes with age.  Anyone who tells you then have no baggage is in denial.  Life experience, issues and fear, etc. can be considered baggage.  The only thing you need to do is to manage your baggage and not let it get in the way of your relationship and hope that your partner does the same.

One of my jobs is to encourage people to hang in there and never give up.  When dating gets really difficult, take a break.  Work on getting your confidence back.  Start feeling good again and just get out there when you are feeling stronger  I contributed a quote to ThisIsInsider.com for their article “6 people reveal why going on a dating hiatus may be your best tool in finding love”.  Give it a quick glance.  It might help shift your thoughts.

Do not let being rejected, or rejecting unsuitable prospects stop you from finding a partner.  If you are looking for a hookup, ask yourself why you don’t want a relationship?  Adult up.  A good, solid working relationship with mutual respect and love is the best thing in the world.  Love isn’t easy and can be painful; the search for love might be even more painful.  It’s worth it in the long run — finding someone to to share your life with you — friendship and companionship, and most important of all…intimacy.  If you get a good person who wants to do the work, it’s better than waiting for a soulmate.  Not everyone gets to be with a soulmate…and not all soulmates do the work.  I had one and he breadcrumbed and ghosted.  He was afraid.  I wouldn’t be who I am today if he had done the work.  I believe he did me a favor.  I frequently say a prayer for him and thank him for the gifts he gave me when he was part of my life.

Look at your issues, your fears, your self-esteem, and confidence; work on yourself.  Seek someone who can help you get back on track if you need the help.  A  really good professional psychic or Tarot reader can spot your “stuff”, give you things to think about and empower you.  Once you know what you need to work on, you can seek additional help if you feel you need it.  That’s what therapists, psychologists, dating and relationship coaches do — help you.  Of course, I’m always willing to help — Tarot cards in hand, guides on board and ready to spot you and empower you!

Posted in Dating, Empowerment, Personal Growth, Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Bring Back Joy – Quickie Tarot Spread

The tragedy that occurred yesterday at the Ariana Grande concert in Manchester, England, once again, serves as a reminder that we no longer live in a kinder, gentler world.  Everything cycles throughout history, and currently, things are chaotic, to put it mildly.  Unbelievable acts of violence are happening every day.  If we focus on the bleakness and tragedy, our inner light becomes dim.  If we are not careful, we may lose hope and feel mostly pain and sorrow.  I like to tell people to look for pockets of light and focus on them so the light can grow bigger and brighter. Ideally, we want a balance between light and dark.

When I was younger, I was the eternal optimist.  I was happy, even though I experienced bullying and sexual harassment growing up.  I became stronger for the experience.  I was fortunate enough to have had wonderful friends; I also I tapped into my inner strength without knowing I was doing it.

As I walked to my car this evening, something flashed in my head.  Bring Back Joy!  I cannot remember the last time I really felt unbridled joy.  So I decided I should pull 3 Tarot cards for guidance.  I want to know what we can do to bring great joy back into our lives.  Guess, what?  Two cards came out together so I pulled two more and now it is a 4-card reading.  Here is how we can bring back joy into our lives on a daily basis, regardless of what is going on in the world, and in other areas of our lives.

Bring Back Joy Tarot SpreadPardon, Donatello’s body to the left of the cards; the Pirate kitty MUST be by his mommy.  The second card, the Nine of Pentacles shadows the first card, the High Priestess.  The High Priestess sits between the spiritual and the physical planes — the two pillars, Boaz and Jakin. We reside in the physical plane and we are spiritual beings, whether we like to admit it or not.  She represents going within and connecting to our higher self.  In plain English, we should connect to our intuition.

The Nine of Pentacles shows us a lovely lady in a lush, comfortable garden.  This is a reminder that if we trust our intuition, we can bloom and grow and have a lovely life — one that is happy no matter what is going in other areas of our lives and the world.  The artist, Pamela Colman Smith, put a little bitty snail near the bottom of the card.  Gotta watch those hungry snails because they can muck with our gardens — our plans.  We can still accomplish what we set out to do, but we may have a few challenges along the way.  Life would be boring without a little drama and excitement, right?  Do what I do … roll with it!

Moving on to the next card, the Seven of Swords (aka Thief of Swords), I decided it would be a wonderful idea to read it as a reversed card.  The sevens, as I see them, represent the second level of completion and it also is about choice.  In this card, the sneaky thief is trying to get away with the swords he stole from the camp.  I can look at this card three ways:  1) The thief gets caught; 2)  A certain chapter of our lives is now complete; and 3) Let go of whatever no longer serves you.

The last card, the Two of Swords, relates directly to the High Priestess.  With the twos, of which The High Priestess is one, it is about seeking choice, finding balance and accessing or trusting intuition.  The swords represent thinking and therein lies most of the problems of the world.  Our minds go into overdrive.  As I look at the Two of Swords, it circles back to the High Priestess.  If you don’t see what the solution is or what choice you need to make, trust your intuition.

Building the reading:

Guess what?  Trust your intuition!  By doing so, you can achieve what you want (which will incidentally give you joy).  Once you are on the road to finding joy, living it and experiencing it, why not let go of dark thoughts, negativity and anything in the world that will hold you back?  Put things in perspective.  When you are faced with choices and you want to feel joy, trust your intuition.  Go full circle.  Choose to let go of things that keep you from feeling joy.  If you have a problem doing it, think about it for a moment, then once you have thought about it, let your intuition override and guide you.

If you have any thoughts or another way of interpreting these cards, please leave me a comment.  I’d love to read them and I will comment back accordingly.

Thank you.

Posted in Intjuition, Personal Growth, Tarot Insights | 1 Comment

I am looking for my “Other.”

I recently had a client ask me if I could tell her when she would meet her “Other.”  That question gave me a quick “flash to the past” about a reading I did for a friend of mine, when we were both working in the Excalibur night club in Chicago in the early 1990s.  She was a cocktail waitress and I was doing Tarot reading.  She was not the only person who asked me that question; she was the first one who asked it.  I cannot remember what I told her, but over the years, I woke up, got smarter and learned to re-direct my clients away from those types of questions.  I work with them to look at what is possible and what is not.  I help them get out of their heads, look at their ideal, dream person and ask them to show me an example of a real person that fits that description.  You guessed it — no examples. What my job has become in this type of situation is to help them discover what type of person they might want to welcome into their life — a real person who wants to love them and make a life with them. Yes, the “The Queen of Common Sense” is holding court today in The Clairvoyant’s Corner 2.0

There is so much literature, movies, theories and beliefs about finding soul mates.  Many people believe once they find their soul mate, their life will be wonderful.  Unfortunately, that is not always the case, but I will reserve this discussion for a future blog post.  I would like to focus on shooting down popular beliefs that keep people from finding love and a good partner — namely their search for their “Other” or perceived soul mate.  If you happen to be someone who takes a few risks in life, seeking a good partner has better odds than looking for your “Other” or soul mate.

I suggest to countless men and women that they need to be their own person when entering into a relationship.  I discourage searching for the “One” or the “Other.”  Of course, many people like to believe that they will find this person.  It’s possible.  Perhaps they may find someone to complete them.  But will they be happy?  I cannot predict that.  As I have become older, and hopefully wiser, I find that most men and women just need to find a good, loving partner.  That, in and of itself is not easy. So, why complicate it?  I try to help them in whatever way I can —  make their journey a bit happier and easier.  Once they find a good partner, hopefully that person will want to be in a relationship with them.  Then they both must be willing to do the work necessary to make this relationship blossom and continue to grow.

I tell my clients, “When you find someone you want to be in a relationship with, or marry, they should enhance your life.  If they don’t make it better, or make you feel better by having them in your life, then why would you want to be with them?”  I always try to make my clients think.  They need to decide what they want to do when they fall in love with someone.  Does this person make their life better, happier and are they a good partner?  If so, great.  Go for it!  If not, re-think what you want and what this person brings to the table.  You usually know by the third date if this person has any potential.

This brings me to a wonderful quote I discovered in the January 2, 2017 issue of Us Magazine.  Actress Gina Rodriguez, star of “Jane the Virgin,”  was overhead saying the following: “I want to know that I don’t need another to be full.  So that whenever another person…comes into play, they are an addition, not filling a need.”

She put herself ahead of a romance.  She knows who she is and what works for her.  Well stated, Gina.  I hope this inspires you to look for someone who enhances you…and if you have that, you are blessed.

Posted in Dating, Relationships | 1 Comment

“13 Things About Ed Carpolotti” – Inspiration

Many years ago, I was fortunate enough to see Penny Fuller in the national tour of the “The Elephant Man” at the Blackstone Theatre (Now Merle Reskin Theatre) in Chicago.  I remember her from the Broadway Cast recording of the Tony Award winning musical “Applause”. (I wore out the vinyl recording.)  How often do I get to meet a performer who helped change my life when I was younger?  For me, sometimes it takes more than 30 years and I am never disappointed when it happens.

I attended the opening night performance of the musical “13 Things About Ed Carpolotti” at the Edye at the Broad Stage this past weekend with a friend.  Its star?  Penny Fuller!  I loved the show and I loved watching her.  The show runs through January 29, 2017.  I highly recommend seeing it!

When we arrived at the Edye, we were offered three different business cards containing questions.  The questions were related to the show and I took two as inspiration for this blog.  Here are my thoughts.

Question #1:  Do your loved ones’ flaws affect your memories of them?

I believe there are three answers to this question.  1) Yes; 2)  No; and 3) It depends on the day.  In this show, Virginia’s deceased husband, Ed Carpolotti, had many character flaws.  You learned how she loved him and lived with him in spite of them.  Taking this question out of context, look at the various people you love and their character flaws (or traits, in you prefer).  These people may still be in your life, may have passed away or moved on.  Just choose one person for this exercise. How do their character flaws impact you today?

Question #2:  Are you optimistic when faced with heartbreak?

Guess what? I believe there are three answers to this question as well.  1) Yes; 2)  No; and 3) It depends on the day. Looking at heartbreak, in terms of love relationships, how many times have you faced heartbreak? How quickly did you heal from the hurt, pain and rejection?  Did you break off the relationship or did the other person terminate it?  I think this is a harder question to answer.

When someone I love dies, it breaks my heart. Knowing their suffering has ended, I can start to feel optimistic again. I reflect upon the joy, love and memories I made and shared with this person.  When a romantic relationship ends, it takes me a bit longer to get my optimism back.  But when it does come back, I feel like “Sweet Charity” “… she lived … hopefully … ever after”.

Here’s an example from my life covering both questions:  When I was 26, my father passed away. I felt cheated. Four months later, I met the love of my life — my boyfriend, my soul mate and the man I would have married if he had not been commitment-phobic, among other things.  Whenever I decided I was done with him and started to date someone else, guess what? He showed up.  He must have known. Unfortunately, he never took the time to cultivate our relationship. I was pretty clueless back then, so I just accepted that this was our relationship — for 13 years.

I remember how much I used to love him, accepted his flaws, and depending upon the day, I can now look back and laugh.  The best gift he gave me was the ability to use my experience to help others.  To have a good relationship, I believe both people need to do the work that is necessary to help their relationship bloom and grow.  (Sounds like “Edelweiss” to me.)

Over the years, my memories of him, his good points and his flaws are still with me; I wouldn’t be the person I am today had I not been emotionally involved with him.  For that, I am truly grateful.

Have you thought about your answers yet?  Let me know when you figure it out!

 

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New Year – New Opportunities

Each New Year is filled with potential for change.  How we choose to welcome it varies from person to person and year to year. Nearly every New Years Eve and New Years Day, I try to watch as much of the SyFy channel’s “The Twilight Zone” marathon as possible.

The Twilight Zone” brings back memories of my childhood and how much I love good writing, acting, lessons on human nature, and science fiction; it also gives me joy to see how much Rod Serling’s widow, Carol Serling, keeps his legacy alive.  Here’s how this program has impacted me this new year.

My guides have alerted me that we should remember those who have crossed over “into another dimension of time and space” — remember them for their contributions to your life — good, bad and everything in between.  Everyone who has entered your life in some way (directly or indirectly) had an impact on you that has contributed to you becoming the person you are today.  You cannot go back in time to change things.  You can only go forward.

Once you take stock of who you are and what you want to accomplish in the new year, look at what is holding you back.  Do you need to purge anything?  Old thoughts?  People who are toxic for you?  Possessions?  Books?  Go ahead.  Start by re-organizing your closet, office or other areas of your life.  Shred any papers you don’t need and recycle any items you no longer need in the way that you are most comfortable.  Consider doing it as soon as possible.  Do not wait until Spring to do your cleaning and purging. Spring is the time you want to see things blossom and take shape.  During the Autumn, what you may not have accomplished earlier in the year, you very well may achieve — welcome your harvest. Sometimes it takes a short time for things to manifest.  Sometimes it takes years.  Just remember, you need to be ready and the stars, interestingly enough, will align accordingly.

Best wishes, much joy, love, good health and success to you in the New Year.

Posted in Empowerment, Personal Growth | 2 Comments

Manipulative client

I encountered a manipulative client this past weekend when I worked the Los Angeles Haunted Hayride.  I try to do a good job and give everyone an accurate, truthful reading.  Sometimes no matter what I do I cannot please the client.  Let me explain what I mean by manipulative.  The lady I read for had studied Tarot (not with me) and tried to control the reading.

When I started her reading and asked her if it made sense, her response was, “That does not apply to the question I have in my mind.”

I responded, “This information has nothing to do with your question.  Does this apply to your life.”

She replied, “Somewhat.”

At that point, I knew this reading was going downhill very quickly.  I should have stopped the reading and suggested she see one of the other readers.  I did not, but decided to do my best and try for an accuracy rating in the 90% range.  That did not happen.

I was able to validate what happened in connection with her question, but she kept interrupting me.  I guess she was trying to show me how  much she knew about Tarot. However, I was unable to give her satisfaction as what she wanted me to do was to violate my ethics.  When I  explained that to her, she acknowledged and said she understood. Reading for someone who knows Tarot is one thing, but reading for someone who challenges a reading every step of the way is not respectful; more  importantly, it is very frustrating because you know almost immediately that this is going to be a hard reading to do.

What she wanted to know was what someone was thinking about  her.  That I cannot do.  When someone wants to know what another person thinks or feels about them, I always tell them,  “Ask the person.  Don’t ask a psychic.  Trying to find  out what  someone thinks about you is what I consider the same as rape.  To go where you are not invited, to probe someone’s mind or feelings without permission is not correct.   People are allowed to have  feelings and  thoughts that they do not want or need to share.  This is sacred.”

When I refused to go there, she asked me, “Do you know what Akashic Records are?”

I told her,”I am somewhat familiar with them and the concept, but it is not something that I do.”

She explained, “You can read someone else through their connection to you with the Akashic Records.”

I explained, “I can read attachments, but I do not read emotions and thoughts of others.”

She did not get what she wanted from me.  I would not tell her what she wanted to hear and she did not get away with manipulating the reading.  She tried, but she did not get away with it. When I was in my 20s, I learned that Tarot never lies, but some readers do to make people happy.  People also scam people.  I do neither.  I tell someone what is, and what the possibilities are, and I look at the patterns of relationships as well.  If you know people’s behavior patterns, it becomes very easy to know where you stand.  I am still processing my thoughts and feeling about how this lady tried to get me to violate my ethics.  I hope she is happy, but I do know that this is not the type of client I want to read for in the future. I expect all people I read for to understand what I can and will  do and what I cannot and will not  do.  This way, all clients will be satisfied with my services.

Posted in Ethics, Relationships, Tarot Insights, Uncategorized | 3 Comments

“My Friend” questions.

Clients ask me about relationships all the time. I’m very good at laying out Tarot cards and finding patterns in a relationship — what is good about the relationship and what areas need work. I’m also good at seeing when a relationship has run its course.

The “Friend” thing, however, is another matter. When someone asks me: “Do you see a romantic relationship with “My Friend?” I have to ask them to clarify what type of “Friend” they are talking about. Generally, I ask them, “Is this is a Platonic friend or a friend with benefits?” It makes a big difference in the reading.

This would be a good question for The Queen of Common Sense, however, it ended up on the Clairvoyant’s Corner Blog instead because there are a few nuggets that belong in the Tarot category.

I always ask the person, “What you mean when you say “Friend.”

If it’s a Platonic friendship, I tell them they should not ask me this question; they should have a conversation with their “Friend” to sort out their feelings toward one another.  The best thing that could happen is their “Friend” actually wants the relationship to go in that direction.  The worst thing that could happen is the other person might say, “I don’t feel that way about you.”  In this case, you can continue the friendship if you wish, or terminate it if you have a problem accepting the fact that this is just a friendship.

If it’s a friend with benefits, in my experience, it is very hard to change the dynamics of this type of relationship into a romantic, long-lasting relationship.   That does not necessarily mean it is impossible, but to discuss and re-define boundaries with your “Friend” may not be easy.  People generally have a problem respecting boundaries, especially since there were different ones in place previously. I suggest two things: 1) have a conversation with your “Friend” and see if they d in a more complete relationship, or 2) keep things they way they are.

Last night, a client asked me about a relationship with her “Friend.” She wanted to know when she would see him next.  Her reading looked too good to be true.  When I saw that, I wondered what energy I picked up.  I asked her, “How long have you known this person?” She said, “Ten days.”  My next question to her was, “Did you find  this person online?”  She said, “Yes.”  My third question was, “Have you met this person yet?”  She replied, “No.”  I told her, “This person is not a friend because you have not yet met him, and unless you meet him there is no way you would ever know if this person could ever become a friend or a potential relationship partner. If he doesn’t consent to meeting you, he’s probably a scammer.”

Note to people looking to shift the dynamics and boundaries of relationships. Don’t ask a psychic if your “Friend” is open to moving your relationship into a romantic one or make a commitment.  The next time you talk  to your “Friend,” see if the energy lends itself to a heart-to-heart discussion.  If not, wait until the timing feels right.  Once you know how the other person feels, you can make up your mind what you want to do.  THEN, consult your favorite reader.  We would be more than happy to look at your relationship and provide you with some input and validation.

Note to other readers.  Ask your clients to talk to their “Friend” about what they feel or want.  Once they know where they stand, then offer to do the relationship reading.  It is much more beneficial  that way.

Do you have any thought or comments?

Posted in Relationships, Tarot Insights | Leave a comment